My Last Night With My Daughter

After meeting with the Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor in Roanoke on Tuesday, our fears for Omara were once again realized and we scheduled for me to be induced Friday/tomorrow (2.26.16). This week has been incredibly painful, filled with ups and downs. Tonight has been exceptionally difficult though, knowing it is the last time I will go to sleep with the feeling of her kicking inside of me. 

Yesterday I just had to see her again. My OB allowed us to come in for an ultrasound. On the screen it was obvious that the tumor had doubled in size over the previous few days and that it was invading even further into her chest now. Her ability to swallow fluid had decreased and there was what seemed to be the beginning of hydrops (fluid build up throughout her chest). This tumor is so aggressive. 

As horrible as it sounds, I found a sort of peace in knowing that her condition was progressing as quickly as we had been told it would. It helped reinforce that this choice we thought we had to make wasn't really a choice at all. 

I can't describe the fear I have for tomorrow. Of course I am scared for the labor and the pain, but I am even more terrified to have to let her go. So tonight I will lay in bed and hold my pregnant belly. I will cherish every kick or movement I feel and I hope I will dream of her.  

I love you, Omara.